Padel addiction peaks when padel balls meet padel skirts

Welcome to my lil poem about padel kens & padel barbies after 2.4 years of padel addiction. All to distract you for a few seconds from the 1 most important question in life: which of the 7 padel gangs to join around Ericeira and Lisbon??

Padel balls - when testosterone peaks on the court

First things first - according to official AI sources: Agustín Tapia is currently (maybe) the hottest ken with padel balls in the world. But don’t worry, as a male, in the end, it’s not about looks. You can easily become a padel ken by having the balls to act in certain ways on the court. Here are peak padel ken behaviours →

She forgot one thing, didn’t she? Are strong serves attractive? Maybe. The answer is a clear yes, if they are difficult to get, because they have a bit of an edge/slice to them.

But more importantly, there is this mega mega fine dance between too much dominance and a gentle lead & help from a man playing together with a woman in a padel team. Like how many balls should he fish out from the middle and those that are just about on my side? I basically adapt within 3 minutes, how fast I run back to my glass, depending on how likely a man will save me anyway, and I can relax just a tiny bit into my feminine. Try to refine that fine dance guys, this is padel magic to us padel barbies.

How long do padel balls last?

170 people per month google this question, so, ok, fine, I’ll answer: Depends on how you treat them. Do you mostly smash or slice them? Normal padel balls do last ok ish long. I mean, to be precise, they should last for 2 - 5 games. You expected more? Me too.

If you present your balls, which you played with 7 times to a tennis player - do worry, cause these guys are picky, and with that age there is a major drop in performance which is inaceitável. Give the old sluggish balls to your dog, or go donate them to our local dog shelter.

But honestly, that is just what I was told by some men. As a girl, who just wants to have fun, I don’t really feel these padel ball theories working out. For me, in reality, balls are balls, as long as they’re generally doing their job and I can enjoy the game cornering someone.

Padel skirts - when estrogen peaks on the court

Thanks for patiently waiting for this part: here is the (maybe) hottest barbie with padel skirts in da world: Claudia Fernández Sánchez. As you can see on her Instagram, when you are a padel pro - you wear padel skirts. But should you as a beginner? One could argue that is peak padel barbie behaviour .. next to these cute ones →

I mean, there are padel influencers by now, with “just” 4K followers on Instagram, who apparently get sponsored by padel brands to promote padel outfits. Seems like we are still early early in the padel skirts game and debate.

Padel tips for beginners that involve skirts

Why is the average man always pretty good in padel even though he has never played before?? When he happens to have played 3x tennis at 13 years old, he is like better than any girl who has played for 3 months. You guys unfortunately force females to be a bit creative when it comes to padel tactics as beginners. Here my tips →

Optional: add a pinch of dancing to the mix (e.g. put on that Meet Me In The Hotel Room). Simplest KPI of applying these tips: count how many times you score because a man fcks up his 2 serves playing to you.

If you keep wearing shorts, cause you’re a retarded girl like me, or just cause you are so empathic to not want to distract your male co-players - get padel shorts with pockets. In that way, you don’t have to rely on a man providing balls for you all the time, but you can still gladly take the occasional gift here and there.

Padel prainfcks from any gender

My personal weirdest prainfck that most padel addicts would not agree on: no, you should not “always say you/me”. As long as you are not mega serious about padel - actually aiming for always always saying this, means you’re not feeling the court, not being in flow together. But anyway, here are some more neutral prainfcks →

There is this prainfck that being on the court with your love may reduce your padel joy, cause he/she criticises you more easily. But then again, isn't it the cutest romantic thought that padel may be something you keep doing with your love & all your friendz even as grandmas and grandpas?

Your advantage to keep padeling until old age: Your sluggish brain alarm bells should ring if you ever feel the craving to switch to pickleball. Then you’re done, you’re a senior. Likewise, you can take it as a sign of reverse aging if you ever feel like switching to tennis.

The end of useless distracting content: which 7 padel gangs to join

Sorry, let’s get to the point. To make that grannie padel dream come true, join these padel gangs:

1. Padel Girls Noob (25 - 40 years old ish) Gang in Ericeira
2. Padel Ladies Noob (40+ years old ish) Gang in Ericeira
3. General Padel Gang in Ericeira
4. CoolGym Padel Tournaments Gang in Ericeira
5. General Padel Gang in Lisbon
6. Founders Padel Gang in Lisbon
7. Padel & Business Gang in Lisbon

Lemme add you - if not convinced yet, what about starting your own special Padel & X Gang? I may join, cause I love combo gangs :)

Padel addict already? Tell me about the top padel clubs at seaside locations

The Padel & Business Gang in Lisbon does organise the odd padel retreat near Marrakesh and there is a glowing neon padel court in Abu Dhabi (very seaside aye). But I would love to explore more cool padel clubs all over the world :) It is one of my nice-to-have dreams to go on trips like that with cool people 👧

However: I’m somewhat of a padel addict in remission

I guess to have a padel addiction is a good, gentle, healthy addiction to have. But because it is all natural ingredients, it may also fade easier than any true chemical substance addiction. Yes, I confess, after 2.4 years of padel, I think I’m past my first padel peak. I am still playing once ish per week - but maybe it’s time to give other cool gangs a bit more space in my life, until I crave the next padel peak.

Cause there are padel matches that bore me to death. I miss the times, when we had no clue what we were doing, dancing to hip hop while padeling was a major ingredient, and it seemed like only my fav Uber driver Flavio knew about padel. 

And anyway .. is my ultimate goal to become better in padel than everyone else? No. I just wanna have fun annoying people. If I can annoy a specific person only by practising my slice a bit more, then I’ll do that.

But I realised, I only want to annoy someone, either if they are one of my close close friends or if they pop the magic pill on the court: they spark my curiosity. Whenever I am curious about someone as a person, no matter if barbie or ken, my mind sharpens and I start to dance.

Had a lil laugh? Good. I wrote all that mainly for my fav loyal reader to be aware of normal padel barbie & ken behaviours before he enters the famous pink padel court in the Philippines. Enjoy the lil exotic dance, but be wary of any abnormalities, or you'll get hit by some unexpected balls from below a padel skirt. Thanks a million for being my accountability buddy for all things erijoy :)